my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
