So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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