i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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