i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
