Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
