Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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