I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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