i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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