so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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