Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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