Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I want her autograph on my taint
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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