Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
