Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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