yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love having hate sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
