my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ladies don't puke and tell
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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