God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
