So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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