I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
