I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
