Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
