apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
