I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
