I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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