i just wanna soil my oats bro
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
