How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
