When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
