I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm bleeding and have questions
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
