have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
