i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
