Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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