he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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