she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
