His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
