Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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