I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
