the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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