"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
