i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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