i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
