Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
