if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
