You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
