soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize