No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
