Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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