i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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