I wish my penis had an off switch
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
