So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
