I puked a lego.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
