Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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