He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
