Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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