I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
