Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
