I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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