ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
