No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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