my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
