were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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