if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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