Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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