You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
