The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize