Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
