I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
