Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
