i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
