I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We got so high we made milksteak
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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