If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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