I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
