"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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